We Never Stop Working for You...

Well, I have long said that probably 80% of people in this world are complete ignoramuses and this just further proves my theory.

Meet George Vaccaro, a Verizon Wireless customer with an unlimited data plan in the U.S. This basically means that he can use the internet on his phone as much as he wants. He recently went on a trip across the border to Canada. Before he left, he called Verizon's customer service to ask what the rate would be in Canada for phone and data usage.

THIS IS THE IMPORTANT PART

They told him that it would be .002 CENTS/KB. After she gave him this surprisingly low rate, he asked her to confirm it again and then had her document it in his account. He used over 35,000 kB. If you do the math, George should have been charged 71 CENTS, however, Verizon charged him $71.

This was obviously a problem, so he called Verizon and tried to explain to them the problem. Surprisingly, the problem wasn't necesarrily a misquote. Instead, the problem was that Verizon could not tell the difference between .002 DOLLARS and .002 CENTS. Wow, has the American educational system failed Verizon poorly.

You have to hear this yourself to grasp the idiocy of the Verizon people. You can listen to the phone call to Verizon that George recorded or you can check out George's blog. You have to listen to this phone call. I know it's long, but it only gets better, and it's well worth it, I think.

Yule Die with Laughter this Christmas...

Well, now that Thanksgiving is over, we're staring down the barrel of yet another holiday guaranteed to help you tip the scales even more. To me, Thanksgiving is a reminder that Christmas is just around the corner. Now, don't get me wrong, I love Thanksgiving. I think it's an important holiday, but it's not the best. What makes it the best are two things: Family and holiday cheer? [buzzer] WRONG! That stuff's good and all but let's be honest... the answers: Christmas music and Christmas movies. I know... I just got done with a "top" list, but in the spirit of the holiday season, I had to do it. So, without further ado, my top 10 Christmas movies.

10. Jingle All the Way: I know, probably an awful pick, but isn’t that what makes this movie great? Starring the Governator and Sinbad, the guy who’s dropped off the face of the earth, and Phil Hartman is in it too. Two fathers who go crazy a la "Black Friday" after Thanksgiving over an action figure. Any person who stampedes a elderly couple for that $15 laptop at Wal-Mart should take one look at this movie to realize how ridiculous they are acting. Nonetheless, it’s still a pretty fun movie to watch during Christmas. I wouldn’t suggest watching it any other time of the year.

9. Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer: The animated special that's on CBS every single year. How great is this? I love it, goofy songs and all. I will have to be honest with you though... the part where they first introduce the Abominable Snowman still scares the crap out of the me now...

8. How the Grinch Stole Christmas: Also, the animated version. The Jim Carrey version is funny, but this one is just a family classic. The Grinch... also still scares me...

7. Ernest Saves Christmas: I'm upset that Jim Varney passed, but he left us with several gems, one of which is this movie. Maybe a guilty pleasure, I know, but Ernest is just so funny in every film he does, and this Christmas film is great. I just love everything Varney did.

6. It's a Wonderful Life: Just a great holiday movie. I love comedies, as you all should know by now, but I'm also a sucker for just a really good movie. This is a great holiday film that everybody should see at least once.

5. The Santa Clause: Regardless of what some people may think about him, I love Tim Allen. This movie was great. Although his kid was kind of annoying, that giant smart-mouthed elf was a nice touch. Allen getting progressively fatter and stuffing his face with sweets at every waking moment, especially at his meeting, is entertaining. Tim Allen is really what made this movie good. The fact that there’s 95 of them now... well, that’s just funny too.

4. Elf: Red, Buddy... That’s my favorite color. As well as the color of my face when I watch this movie. Will Ferrell plays the ignoramus in all of his movie, and this one as Buddy the Elf is just as good as the rest. Everything from eating syrup on spaghetti, to buying his father a provocative piece of lingerie, to a 60-second belch, to getting in a wrestling match with a department store Santa kept me laughing ‘til the credits were rolling.

3. A Christmas Story: The creator of one of the most memorable lines of all time: "You’ll shoot your eye out, kid!". This movie is by all means a classic. So many great moments like the neighbor’s dogs stealing the turkey, the dad getting the leg lamp, licking the pole on the playground, and of course the mall scene on the big red slide with the worst Santa and elves of all time. All the kid wanted was an official Red Ryder Carbine-Action 200-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. Is that too much to ask?

2. Home Alone: The best movie Macaulay Culkin ever did? The Pagemaster? I don’t think so. This movie inspired me as a child and aggravated my parents and sisters who fell victim to my traps in the house. This movie is full of laughs. I mean, who doesn’t laugh every time they see Marv get hit in the face with an iron or when Harry burns his hand on the door knob? I just bought this movie at Target a few days ago, and I suggest you do the same. This movie is a holiday classic along with it’s sequel. No, not 3 and 4...

1. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: Now that Christmas time is here, I don't have to feel bad about watching this every single day through, until, and even just after Christmas. Not only is it the best Christmas movie of all-time, it’s one of the funniest of all-time. Chevy Chase as Clark W. Griswold Jr. is pure comedy gold. Every single thing this guy does to give his family the perfect Christmas blows up in his face. The movie is full of great moments (the scene at the mall with the lingerie saleswoman) and lines ("Merry Christmas! S---ter’s full!"), and Eddie... OH, Cousin Eddie... You can't say more about Randy Quaid's performance in this film. And it has the two greatest rants of all time towards the end. I know at the Bennett household, this movie will be getting watched nearly every day.

So there’s my list. I suggest you go pick all of these up and watch them all numerous times. So whether you say "Merry Christmas", "Happy Hanukkah", "Happy Kwanzaa", or "Happy Holidays", I just say "Keep tha change, ya filthy animal..."

My 50 Funniest Movies: THE TOP TEN!!

I just want to get this over with. I want to talk about something else for once, so here it goes. A small description, and I'm moving on...

10. National Lampoon's Vacation: Chevy Chase as Clark Griswold taking his family on a cross-country road trip doesn't get much better... unless there's a sequal.....

9. Meet the Parents: Who thought that DeNiro could be so funny? "I have nipples, Greg... could you milk me?"

8. Ace Ventura: Pet Detective: Attention THIS Jim Carrey... please come back... By the way, I dressed as him for Halloween one year.

7. Ghostbusters: One of my favorite movies as a kid... the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man... pure genius...

6. Caddyshack: Funniest sports movie ever. Hands down. And what an all-star cast with Chase, Murray, and Dangerfield, and even the rest of the cast was great. I cried when Murray ate that Baby Ruth...

5. National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation: I love this movie. This is the best "Vacation" by far. There is never a dull moment in this film.

4. Old School: All I can say is that there is supposedly a second one coming out, and I might camp out for tickets.

3. Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy: I, unlike a one Jason Bybee, think Will Ferrell is a comedic genius, one of the best of our time. I was in the floor with laughter in this movie. I think I saw it 5 times in theaters...

2. Dumb and Dumber: This movie changed my life. It is one of the greatest of all time. There's not much more you can say.

1. Wedding Crashers: Me and a friend of mine saw this a combine 15 times in theaters... sad, I know, but I have never laughed so hard in a movie. There's so many quotable lines (ones that I use in my everyday life now), moments, and characters in this film. I absolutely LOVE this movie. Just look at the three posters on my wall...

There you have it, folks. My Top 50 Funniest Movies. You may disagree with it, but that's ok... we all can't be right about everything...